Sugar N Spice

Update on Weekly Poll

I must say, I am very surprised by the findings thus far in this week's poll. The majority of you...so far, are very free with your bank accounts when it comes to spending on the one who holds your heart. With two of the choices being either a spending limit of $100-200 or "There Shouldn't Be a Limit", the majority of you are choosing the latter. Now, what I'm wondering is, is that the ladies saying there shouldn't be a limit and then going out and purchasing $60 worth of merchandise for their guys, but expecting much more in return, or do you all genuinely believe that there shouldn't be a limit? Nobody's chosen the 25-50 range...YET....but, I know he or she is out there, will probably be pouring over the sales rack at Walmart this weekend, picking up two or three of those flannel shirts talking about, "He's not my husband!" Well, stop asking that man to take your car to get the oil changed and carrying trash to the dumpster and help with your light bill then! Men, same for you, 'cause I know you are out there, lurking over this blog talking about, "I'm not gonna put that 25-50 dollars 'cause they are going to judge me." You damn right! You want your Johnson polished every night, but have the nerve to buy that woman some slippers and a jar of cold cream!!?

Keep the votes coming. This should be an interesting one. --SUGAR

Poll of the Week: Cautious Spending or Carefree Giving?

  Well, it's that time of year. I heard "Silent Night" by The Temptations on my way back up I-95 last night, and once you hear that, there is no mistaking, "Christmas Time is Here". The malls are already crowded beyond measure and pretty soon, you won't be able to find cinammon, brown sugar or nutmeg for miles around. People will spend their last few dollars on gifts, teetering ever so closely to homelessness, all in an effort to make loved ones feel special. Which brings me to the Sugar N Spice poll of the week: "What do you think is an appropriate amount to spend on a sweetie for holiday gifts?" Are you a fool for the spirit of the season, tossing your dollars around like leaves in the wind, or are you more cautious, opting to purchase a small, but nice gift? Then, there's the cheapskate. Are you that person? Would you rather get a root canal than spend more than $20 for the "object of your desire"?

Vote in the poll to the right and then let us know how you feel. I personally think that it depends on the person you are dating, how long you've been dating and whether you think the effort will be returned. Sure, it's the thought that counts, but if I've spent $300 for his gift and he comes walking in with a bouquet of flowers that he's purchased from some Mexican at the corner of Here and There, you can rest assured, he'll be getting real intimate with his hand for a few weeks. Call me what you will, but Sugar don't play when it comes to her money. Oh-kay!! I love to do really nice things for the people that I love, but I have to believe without a shadow of doubt that the effort will be reciprocated. My brother, who I have purchased very nice gifts for over the last several years, won't get a thing from me this year...why, because he hasn't bought me a gift ever. Screw that. My lawyer friend is about to get her feelings hurt this Christmas as well. I won't even repeat what she gave me for my 30th birthday gift this past weekend. I love her to death, but she didn't have her mind on that thing when she put that gift together. Damn! --SUGAR

Poll of the Week: Truly K-Fed Up?

What’s practical is logical. What the hell, who cares?
All I know is I’m so happy when you’re dancing there.

I’m a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.
I’m a slave for you. I won’t deny it; I’m not trying to hide it.

Well, she might not have cared at the time, but those words from Britney Spears' song, "I'm a Slave 4 U" probably make her cringe now that she is trying to shake that louse K-Fed out of her hair. Numerous reports say he is really throwing low blows, threatening to try to get custody of the kids (as if) and even going so far as to have the nerve to be considering selling a sex tape they made early on in their marriage. If he does it, he's a scumbag. Tell him Sugar said it. I could probably whup his narrow rear with one hand tied behind my back.

Anyway, before I go off on a tangent, this brings me to the poll of the week. You ladies know how it is...some lousy so and so is doing nothing but draining you dry, emotionally, physically and sometimes even financially, yet, something makes you go back, stay, put up with it. Your family screams, "What are you doing?" but you can't seem to hear over the din of his arrogance and that unfailing swagger that makes you weak in the knees. What about Britney?

Will our girl maintain her composure as the divorce proceedings go forward, or will she fold like a cheap chinese fan and let that bum back in? Vote in the poll to the right and let us know how you really feel. Pray for that sister's strength because Lord knows sometimes it can be tough to shake that last bit of dust off your feet. I don't even know that woman, but nobody deserves to have to support some no good lay about. --SUGAR

One more thing...speaking of shaking off dust. I swear, this blog is crawling with Morons Mormons!! I must have brought some back in my luggage when I left Salt Lake City...much like roaches in the hood, you must have to shake out your clothes before you leave that place, or else they follow you home and invade!! I keep seeing "Church of Latter Day Saints" in my sitemeter log. Geesh. Don't you have some proselytizing to do!!? Go and tell that old dry choir to get back to rehearsing because much work needs to be done!

Poll #3: "What set you claimin'?"

Okay, on this election eve, I'm fired up. I know, I know, this blog is not about politics, but this week's poll gives me a little wiggle room, allowing me to discuss two of my favorite topics, dating and politics. You see, two years ago, I found myself cheek to cheek with a black republican. He was a sweet guy. He was very tall and he knew how to entertain a lady! We had the most interesting dates, but he was very conservative and there were some parts of my personality that I knew I would have to reveal to him very carefully. But, as the old saying goes, "What you do in the dark will come to the light." Well, it couldn't have been more true in this situation.

He had come over one early Saturday afternoon so we could get our day started. We were going to watch a movie and then head out for the evening. I kissed his lips and went into the bathroom to "freshen up", and left him to get the vcr and television ready so we could watch the movie. As I was running the toothbrush over my teeth for the very last stroke, a chill ran through my body. I dropped the toothbrush, quickly wiped my mouth and headed for the den at break-neck speed. Just as I was bending the corner, I looked at the television screen and I knew it was too late. There on the tube, some chick was giving this long-donged man the blow job of his life. HE HAD FOUND MY PORN!!! Our eyes met and I cringed inside...he cringed on the outside. I started laughing like some kind of an idiot, "Oh, you found that tape huh?" He said, "They said girls don't watch porn. They said girls didn't like it." WTF??? I said to him, "I don't know who the "they" is you are referring to, but every woman I know watches it and enjoys it very much." So, I thought to myself that maybe this wouldn't be such a bad thing, maybe now he'll throw me on this floor and have his way with me. But, instead, we talked....I sat on the couch and I motioned for him to sit in front of me. I massaged his shoulders so he could relax (yeah, he was that stressed about it) and we talked. Me trying to rationalize why I had the tape and him trying to rationalize why he didn't own any and why he didn't really care for it.

I talked and talked until I was blue in the face, trying to salvage "us", but I knew, to him, I was nothing more than a dirty, porn-watching whore. Now, as I watch all of these republicans being busted on the news as the perverts and closeted homosexuals that so many of them are, I wonder, just what was he hiding. In truth, he had many more issues than just being a republican, but I think that in trying to stand up to the republican "ideals", he suffocated any vestiges of the "real man" inside himself. I mean, he was more different than any man I'd ever been with. He didn't "act black" to be quite honest, but he was perfectly fine with seeing me, minus the porn. I never tried to act differently with him, I just didn't reveal certain things right off. Well, maybe I was changing myself for him.

I don't know, but in this election season, I am asking myself, and you all the question, "Would you date someone who prefers a different political party than your own?" It seems like a simple question, but in truth it really isn't. I remember, I asked him if he was a republican. He didn't just come out and tell me that. Maybe he didn't think it warranted discussion.  We had gone out a time or two and something was nagging at me about him, and I realized that was it. When I asked him, he answered quite candidly, "Yes," and began to tell me why. I had misgivings, but he was so sweet, it didn't make sense to me to just stop seeing him.

The most famous mixed-party couple is James Carville and Mary Matalin, and they seem to do just fine. Maybe all of that tension translates into great sex. Who knows, but I will really take a moment to think before I cross over into the "dark side" ever again. How about you?  Vote in the poll to the right and then make comments here. --SUGAR

Poll #2 Results

Last week's poll was one that was sure to make you examine the state of affairs in your nether region like you may not have done in quite a while. We asked the question, "When was the last time you had sex?" There seems to be a growing trend among women to become celibate, most of these women, after experiencing many  years of tantalizing, and some of them, ho hum, sex. There are varying reasons why these women, including myself, are taking this vow, including everything from being tired of feeling used as a mattress of sorts, to wanting to do the right thing religiously. One thing's for certain, the men are taking notice, and they ain't happy. Will this usher in a change? Only time will tell....

The readers of Sugar N Spice are still getting their "swerve" on, and some of you, quite regularly might I add. Close to 30 percent of you say you are getting sex by the day/week, six percent of you say you've moistened some sheets within the past month, another 29 percent say the last time you went for a tumble was a few months ago, 24 percent of you say you have been holding fast and the last time you did the dirty deed was within the past year and sadly, 12 percent of you say it's been so long since you've been "touched" you can't even remember. Don't worry, at nearly eight months, if I can hold out, I may be saying the same thing pretty soon. 

Bottom line, examine your reasons for holding out carefully and ask yourself some very probing questions. At the rate we're going with a lot of these guys, a whole lot of us could be holding out forever. Is that a chance you're willing to take?..... --SUGAR

Poll of the Week #2

I have had some interesting discussions over the past week about all things dealing with relationships. M was kind enough to alert me to the fact that yesterday on the "Michael Baisden Show", one of the topics of discussion was sex and how some women have decided to become celibate as they wait for the "right man" to come along, opting out of giving "it" up in hopes that some dude is the right guy.

This is a topic that is near and dear to me because over the past couple of years, I have struggled with the fact that religiously speaking, sex before marriage is wrong, but Lord knows, I would have busted hell wide open by now if God was not forgiving, because I have broken that rule more times than I can count. All of the major world religions order us to remain sex-free until we are married. Whew!!! Have mercy, my problem is, my great-grandmother got married when she was 13 years old and my great-grandfather was 14, so they didn't have to burn in lust until they were 30!! But, I believe wholeheartedly in what my Bible says, so I believe that it's wrong, but gee whiz it feels like a lot to expect us to hold out for all of these years???

Now, to that end, I have decided that I'm going to give "holding out" another shot. I will not have sex again unless it's with my husband or I at least have a ring on my finger and a date set. I hear you saying, "Sure, you can hold out now after you've been screwing your brains out for years. What about those of us who have been holding out all along?" Virgins??? What? Is there such a thing as a 20 or 30 something year old virgin these days??? If there is one reading this post at this very moment, sister God is gonna bless you, and when you get that first taste, the heavens are going to open up and welcome you on home. Okay, maybe that's slightly blasphemous, but here we go.

I'm sure there are some among us who have been able to maintain themselves, keeping a vow of chastity and some of us who, let's just say, are constantly being laid out like a Thanksgiving feast. I can candidly tell you that it's been seven months for me and I'm holding strong. "The Nigerian" almost broke me, but I held him off too, so we'll see how long I can make it, but I'm at least trying.

This brings me to our poll of the week: "When was the last time you had sex?" Was it just last night, last month, earlier this year, or has it been so long, you've got cobwebs down there? Let's talk about this candidly because I know why time is fleeting fast for me in this quest to do the right thing, but why are the rest of you holding out...or not holding out? Vote in the poll to the right and then make comments here. There's some sister out there who wants to stop giving it so freely, but feels like she can't and there's another sister out there who can't give it away! Share you insight into this matter as we all try to work together to uplift one another in this struggle to find the man each of us desires.

Results: Poll #1

It could be argued that most women have some sort of superficial tendency. Whether it be, only liking guys with great jobs, or only liking guys who are six feet tall and above, if we are to be honest with one another, we all have them. It's almost human nature, but could it also just be a matter of preference? Is it really wrong to not want to date short men, or men with little hands or feet? Or, what about men who are prematurely balding or who have those bumps on the back of their necks? I hear you saying, "Yuck!" but do those bumps change the man inside? See, you were judging the sister who didn't want to date the short man, but is it any more right to toss the bumpy-necked man aside? Could it all be a matter of preference?

The poll for this past week asked, "If you had your choice, would you take an unattractive man with a great job, or an attractive man with an okay job?" Seventy-three percent of you said you would take the unattractive man with the great job. On the surface, this would seem like we are all great and virtuous women, free of any hangups about a man's appearance, but does the fact that some of us decided we would be with an "unattractive" man say something greater about the type of women we are?

As I "embrace the 30", I am trying to make careful decisions before denying a guy a chance. I mean, as I've heard many of you say, the man of our dreams isn't exactly beating down the door, but are we doing these "unattractive" men a disservice if we accept their advances? Will we really love them the way they deserve to be loved? Don't they have a right to be lusted after as much as the next man? Besides, one woman's trash is another woman's treasure. Could we be stealing some woman's treasure if we accept a guy who we really aren't digging physically?

Dating/Marriage isn't supposed to be all about the physical, but there should be some sort of attraction, and more than just attraction to a man's wallet. But, the poll question placed us all between a rock and a hard place...a location many of us are oh so familiar with, so though it might have seemed unfair, it really is not. Every moment of our lives is driven by making choices. "Should I go to this website or that one?" "Should I eat my lunch now or later?" "Should I wear this shirt or that one?" "Should I go to just wait in the line at this gas station because it's cheaper, or should I drive on across the street so I can get home?" Choices, choices, choices!!

Ask yourself, if you really had to make that decision all over again...would you make the right one? Is there a right one? Does Sugar need to go to hell for sending your mind in a frenzy??? (lol) -- SUGAR

Poll of the Week #1

Okay fans, there's a new feature being added to your favorite dating blog...the Poll of the Week. We hope to be able to get an idea of what you all are thinking. Get our fingers on the pulse of the singles of the world if you will.

We will post the poll on Fridays, give the results one week later, and subsequently add a new poll. We hope to then discuss the findings (your input appreciated) and build a greater sense of awareness in this quest to find the perfect mate.

Our inaugural question: "If you had a choice, would you pick an unattractive man with a great job or an attractive man with an okay job?" Most of us have probably met that guy before who is rolling in dough, but he just doesn't quite tickle our fancy. He's nice, he's sweet and all of that, but...you wouldn't want to be seen with him at a dog fight! Is this fair? Then, you have the super fine guy who isn't really too ambitious. He's working, and he "gets by", but you can believe there won't be any trips to the French Riviera in your future, plus every now and then, he's a first class asshole. Who do you choose? Vote in the poll to the right and let us know why you chose your answer. This is only the first of what we hope will be many scintillating questions.

Think about each question before you answer. We will always have some sort of commentary present for you to ponder before you answer, because we want you to be honest. --SUGAR N SPICE