Sugar N Spice

Barack Obama Might Still Be the Anti-Christ

Hell, I don't know what to think at this point, but this analysis is pretty chilling--to say the least. Check it out and let me know what you think. --SUGAR

The Power of Prayer!

FROM SPICE-

It's said that when we pray our words, if sincere, go straight from our mouths to God's ears so be careful what you pray for. Many times in life we meet some fine dude and we start ranting and raving to our maker about making a loser into a God fearing husband. Trust me, God hears all.  Perfect example, I can recall crawling on some New Orleans hotel bathroom floor praying for God to return my one true love...yeah right. Trust me, I'm not wasting anymore of God's time praying for something that is obviously not mine.  Maybe that's why I haven't won the lottery yet because God is shaking his head saying, " Here she goes again begging for some dude...I will place her on mute."  See what I'm saying...wasting good prayers on losers. The other day one of my girlfriends was nearly in tears, wasting my time on the phone, pleading for some illiterate man to ring her 7 digits...WHAT? Look, we need to learn to up-grade our own lifestyles and stop praying for things that God has already provided us with. For example, God gave us a brain...its time we start using it for something positive instead of wasting good brain cells plotting and planning an encounter with some guy.  Look I want a husband but I'm not going to sacrifice my own worth just to have someone keep the bed warm...I can buy a heating pad for that. 

FOR SUGAR-

Religion is a mighty powerful force and prayer most definitely. When a person fixes his or her mind on a thing and expects for God to deliver it, they can become crazed and unreasonable, but I can kind of see why. It's all a matter of faith, but even our faith is based upon something we have neither seen nor touched and we are all just hoping (and praying) that we are following the right path.

I was talking to my mother yesterday and I consider her to be a very astute student of Christianity. She actually reads/studies the Bible rather than just recite what she's been told and my mother is a very smart woman. So, I trust what she says with regard to what's in it. Anyway, we were talking about marriage when she starts telling me about one of her co-workers who had divorced her husband. My mom says she told the woman it might not have been a good idea, but the woman insisted (she had been cheating on her husband with another man and thought she'd struck Gold). Now, her husband has remarried, the other man left her (went back to his own wife) and she's out in the cold looking dumb.

So, my mother starts going on about how when she got married (at 19) she never even considered whether her children would be attractive or sane and that she might have had she gotten married when she was older (considered those things before marrying) and she thanks God that everything turned out alright....even though my brother's sanity is questionable..... Then, she says, "lots of times if you are looking for something particular in a man, you won't find it...." I don't know that I believe that, but I kept listening and in the next breath she said something about how a person should be faithful that God will give them what they pray for......What the hell?!

Bottom line? Spice is right. Use some common sense when dealing with these men. I am an advocate for "making sure" before just tossing someone to the wayside, but there is only so much proof you need in order to make an educated decision to tell some fool to bounce. So, if you are going to pray for something, pray for common sense. A little dab will do ya.

Juanita Bynum Beat Down: More Lessons Than She Ever Taught

I'm going to try to make this my last post on the Juanita Bynum beat down, but in reading this Atlanta Journal Constitution article by Rosalind Bentley I feel compelled to impart one more lesson I think we can all learn from this drama. While you don't have to tell the world all of your damn business, certainly don't make your situation out to be more than it really is.

I was telling Spice earlier today, if there's one thing any of my friends can say about me it's that I don't try to hype up my relationships. I may not tell them all of the dirty details at the offset, but I certainly don't try to act like I'm being courted by Prince Charming when the reality is that his evil twin brother Ike (think, Turner) is the man I'm really seeing. Even on this blog, I don't know any of you personally, as in speak with on the phone every day or several times a week, but I still "keep it real" about what I'm going through. It makes me feel over-exposed at times, but it is what it is. Why lie? Besides, maybe my being honest will be an impetus for someone else to honestly take a look at their own situation. It's amazing how people will spout off, "I wouldn't put up with that if I were you," and "Why would you deal with that," but when the doors are closed on their own situation, they are dealing with the same thing or maybe even worse.

That's why, I take each bit of advice with a grain of salt and if you search in the archives here, both Spice and myself have urged you all to do the same with regard to anything that we've said. Nobody knows it all... Here's the thing, if you lie about something the truth always comes out anyway. So, why put yourself through all of the embarrassment and shame?! I don't intend to imply that Ms. Bynum lied about her marriage, but I am also not a huge follower of her work, so maybe some of her more devout followers do feel betrayed.

Maybe she didn't feel compelled (or didn't think it appropriate) to get up on some stage and say that her husband was whipping her ass behind closed doors or acts like a plum fool when the two of them are alone, but if she was urging women to leave such situations, while she was living in one all her own, the word hypocrite is very much in order. I hope that is not the case.

I can only imagine how she feels right now. I was talking to my mother about this situation earlier and my own situation with a man I think could very well turn out to be a damn fool himself and my mother was telling me about a girl from my hometown, she's about 27 or 28 who got married a year or so ago. Within three weeks of returning from her honeymoon, her brand new husband "beat her within an inch of her life"...gosh, you gotta love the Southern knack for exaggeration...what a phrase right!? Anyway, he beat her ass like she stole something and immediately she started the process to leave his sorry ass. Smart girl.

I told my mother that this is what I'm most afraid of. Sure, I'd leave a man if he were to hit me or beat me up, but I don't want to even have to wear one ass whipping. Not one. So I do everything I can to get out of a situation before things even get to that point. I mean, who wants to have to tell somebody, "He beat me real bad, but I left him..." Yeah, you left him, but he still beat your ass!!! I just don't want to suffer that pain at all! A big grown man beating me like we are in a Fight Club or something?! No way!

Anyway, what I'm getting at is this. Certainly, couples have problems, arguments, disagreements, spats, etc. but if you start to feel like things are escalating to a scary point all too often, you might want to start mentioning this feeling to someone. Keeping it to yourself under the guise of not "telling our business" just might be the thing that gets you killed. I'm all for people minding their own business and not trying to force their opinions and judgments on a person's life, but when it comes to a woman being beaten, all bets are off. Now, be clear. I will try to urge a sister, friend or other such family member to leave an abusive situation a time or five, but when she refuses and my urging tends to put me in harm's way (i.e. crazy husband/boyfriend wants to beat my ass), then she's on her own. I'm not catching a bullet or getting the beat down myself for nooooobody! Believe that!

Pray for Ms. Bynum and every woman out there who is an abusive relationship. Those prayers hold more power than any physical thing we can do anyway. Check out Destiny's Child singing "Girl" below. --SUGAR

Bedside Baptist this Morning

I have a small videography business (Spice and I used to operate it together) and last night I had to work a birthday party. Without getting into too many details, because that would be in poor taste to my clients, I think I have almost seen it all. I have this one girlfriend who I always call to relay the information about the latest event, whether there were any handsome guys who tried to approach (none last night...a 50+ crowd, all with wives/girlfriends/mistresses), whether something funny happened and whether there was something just culturally different. I primarily do weddings, but last night was a bit of a switch, so I thought it would be pretty simple...standard party. I was wrong.

First of all, the woman of honor was soooooo tall. I'm talking 6'4" or so...in flats, but she was gorgeous. She changed a couple of times during the event and the attire that she donned after the second change was a fabulous off the shoulder (just one shoulder) pink, African-themed top with a matching floor length skirt, and she was wearing one of those shimmering paper crowns that had been wrapped around her head. It was pink as well and huge. Anybody know what I'm talking about...about the crown?  Anyway, there were about six or seven other African women also dressed in African attire, also wearing those pink crowns and they were kind of huddling around her all night, serving her and doing these little dances. One of them, who was quite portly if I might say so, was too funny! She kept throwing her "money maker" all over the dance floor! Oh, how I wish I could upload that video so you guys could see it. It just wouldn't be appropriate, so I wouldn't dare.  I always take it over to my girl's house at some point and she and I sit down to have a good laugh or to just marvel at how other cultures operate.

While I was recording birthday wishes from the party-goers last night, this one woman, who was obviously in denial about her age says, "They say 50 is the new 40 (In my head: who said 50 is the new 40?), but I'm going to take things a step further and say 50 is the new 30 (In my head: What the hell?). Happy birthday!" Now, if 50 is the new 30, and I'm 30 years old, would that make 30 the new 10? Hell no! People need to cut this foolishness out! Just be fabulous at whatever age you are and work it! My grandma is 80 and she would rather cut somebody than admit her age. She looks great for 80 and so do her sisters. They don't age badly at all, and neither does my mother's family. But hey, most of the Black folks who pass through this blog could probably say the same thing about their family members. You know what the say, "Black don't crack." It's mostly true.

Anyway, I truly have a great appreciation for cultural variations after doing this videography for the past few years in this area. I've done many more interracial weddings in the D.C. metro area than I could have ever imagined in South Carolina and it is very refreshing to see people come together and celebrate a special love, no matter what color the couple is.

Spice and I are planning to work on a documentary soon, so we may be bringing that news to you guys soon. If you are reading this between the hours of 11am and 2pm, why isn't your butt at church?! lol I got in at 3am last night, what's your excuse for attending Bedside Baptist this good Sunday morning? lol --SUGAR

When Your Love and Your Religions Go Head to Head

The heart is a funny piece of equipment. This, from Howstuffworks.com:

The right and left sides of the heart have separate functions. The right side of the heart collects oxygen-poor blood from the body and pumps it to the lungs where it picks up oxygen and releases carbon dioxide. The left side of the heart then collects oxygen-rich blood from the lungs and pumps it to the body so that the cells throughout your body have the oxygen they need to function properly.

Side by side, these two parts, with completely different functions, work together to keep each and every human being on the face of this planet alive. I don’t care whether you live in India or Pakistan or Djibouti or Walla Walla, Washington, we are all given hearts that have a predestined set of tasks to complete every day. Now, of course, some of us don’t take the best care of our hearts, and others of us are born with defects, but you see where I’m coming from.

What of two people whose love is powerful, whose love is immense and yet, their religious faiths are completely different? Can these two sides truly work together without strife to accomplish a predestined set of tasks? Can these two sides raise children born of this union without skipping a beat? Can they find a balance when it comes to maintaining a God-fearing home without placing precedence on one faith or the other?

This crossed my mind earlier today as I was making provisions for my absence from work tomorrow in honor of the Good Friday holiday and this Easter weekend. I had asked countless people over the past two days if they would be off work tomorrow and many said yes, but several said no. Some of those who said no were Christians, some were Jewish, some were Muslim, one was Hindi and some are going straight to hell…no, I’m kidding. But, I wondered if their husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends were of the same religion or if they were even religious at all.

I would prefer to marry a man who is a Christian. I don’t really care what denomination he is (I would prefer Baptist), he just has to attend somebody’s service at least twice a month (I would prefer every Sunday) and after we have kids….every Sunday, unless we are out of town or there’s some other really good excuse. But, what are the realities of this happening? Heck, most of the time when I go to church, there are more women there than men anyway, so finding this needle in the haystack is sure to be a wonder.

Spice, who is ever absent from this blog (it will be just my luck that she’ll read this today) is a Muslim  and when we were in college, as any respectful friend does, I learned what her faith is about, rather than going on with my preconceived notions. I earned so much respect for Islam, I almost became a Muslim. My parents would have died! After much soul-searching I decided to stick with J.C. (Jesus Christ) even though I will forever appreciate what Islam really stands for. However, because I know so much about the religion, I don’t know that I could marry a man who is a Muslim. For that matter, I don’t know that I could marry a man who is a Buddhist or a Baha’i or any number of other religions. Not because I have any issue with the religions per se, but I just think it would make things…complicated. I hear you saying life is complicated, but I grew up going to vacation Bible school and singing on the junior choir in my church and I would like for my kids to experience those things too. I wouldn’t want this to be a point of contention in my relationship with my husband and certainly it might not be, but if he is as devout as I am, he will have a problem with it.

Then again, as the old saying goes, ‘never say never,’ and I try not to do that. I mean, I do have some questions about Christianity. I’d be a liar, and a fool if I said I didn’t. I was just talking to my mom the other night about how in the book of Genesis, Lot’s daughters both got him drunk and had sex with him, so they could re-populate the Earth after God demolished Sodom and Gomorrah (sp?), then two sentences later, I read that Abraham was having beef with some king. So, there were other men available….WTF?! When I asked her about that, she was pretty mum…that made me uneasy. Who knows, maybe they did think they were the only ones left. Damn, I'd kill myself if I had sex with my father to try to keep the Earth going, only to find out there were some dudes only a few desert miles away. Hell, if it had been up to me to do that, this planet would be as barren as Pluto. Yuck!

But, back to 'never say never'. I could meet some man that puts it on me so fierce, I’ll be tapping on some bowl and squeezing some beads chanting Nam Yo Hoh Ran Gay Keyo, just like Ina Mae “Hamhock” Bullock (Courtesy: Adele Givens (lol) in “What’s Love Got to Do With It”. You just never know. But, is it a crazy thing to do? To try to merge two very different religions with the intent of building a life together, complete with 2.5 kids, a white picket fence and a sign out front that says, “God’s Little Acre”.

I’m sure some of you reading this are already in situations like this. Two hearts, two faiths. Let us know what’s up. I dated a guy once who was a Jehovah’s Witness (trust me, he wasn't on the Watchtower Distribution Team by any stretch) and sure, people have made jokes about that religion for decades now, but when he told me, I didn’t think there was anything funny, because we aren’t all the same and much of what we believe in the way of religion comes from what our parents have imparted to us in our youth anyway. --SUGAR